Criminalize Sagging Jeans!!...And Also...
Several towns accross the U.S. have passed laws prohibiting "sagging" which, for all those who are not as "down" as me, is a manner of wearing pants, usually jeans, below the waist, revealing some or all of the sagger's underwear.I'm all for it. Lock 'em up.
While we're at it, though, how about criminalizing some other fashion trends, and this time, let's look to the other end of the socio-economic spectrum.
Here are some fashion laws that would be on the books, and their associated penalties, in Parableland:
* Loafers with no socks: $500 or 30 days.
* Cufflinks: $750 or 30 days.
* Those damn purses to carry around your cute little puppy: Mandatory 15-day minimum.
* Matching designer luggage: $1,000 and 30-day minimum if 2-piece set or less; 3-piece set or more, confiscation and mandatory 60-day minimum.
* Polo shirts with the collar up: 30-day minimum + 18 months community service.
* Loafers with no socks and polo shirt with the collar up: Deportation.
* Wearing white after Labor Day: Death by stoning.
Also, wearing a bluetooth earpiece when your hands are not otherwise occupied would subject you to forty lashes minus one (there is no prohibition against cruel and unusual punishment in Parableland, btw).
Got any more? Let me know and I'll put it on the legislative agenda.
Grace and Peace,
Raffi
**UPDATE: A Florida Circuit Court Judge has declared the saggy pants law unconstitutional. Not under Parableland's Constitution, it wouldn't be (no "free speech" clause; speech costs you in Parableland, just like in the real world).**
Hmmm ... The "Coed Naked" line of shirts is surely deserving of punishment.
Walking around wearing "cammies" definitely warrants attention.
I'd say something about those "shoes" called Crocs, but that might get me in trouble with my wife. ;-)
I could not agree more, especially with the whole "popped collars" and polo shirts.
@ Wickle, LOL I could not agree with you more about those crocks. I have to admit they look cute on kids under the age of 7, but on adults they look like you are wearing transformers on your feet. They are just two brightly colored hunks of foam rubber that someone decided to throw on their feet and the rest was left up to peer pressure.
@ Raffi, thanks for bringing this wonderful news to us! ;)